Pet Bereavment

I am on my tenth magic bag. I’ve tried various types of heat compresses, lavender, flax seed, aromatherapeutic, and I always return to the Shoppers Drug Mart one made with “Canadian grain.” I think it’s rice based on the smell when it cooks for too long in the microwave (hence me being on my tenth one).

This bag, adorned with tiny crescent moons and white stars, provides a reliable balm for my muscle and joint pain. I have always had one tucked away somewhere in my linen closet to be used as needed. Lately though it has morphed into part of my nightly bedtime routine. I pop it into the microwave for three minutes while I brush my teeth. I do not go to bed without out. The other night when I could not find it, I noticed a tightness in my chest. How could I go to bed without it?  It occurred to me I was no longer draping it over my neck. I was treating this thing as a stuffed animal, cradling its warmth against my chest. I was spooning my magic bag. It had replaced the reliable warmth of my cat Myzie. Myzie was my little spoon for eighteen years. Even when other big spoons entered my bed, Myzie was there. And now, she isn’t.

When we lose our pets, we lose parts of ourselves. I lost my emotional support animal, even though Myzie never trained or consented to be one. She just was. I lost my identity – I loved being her guardian. Sharing stories about her: walking her without a leash. Fetching her from the open house next door. Watching her eat my salt and vinegar chips. I lost my coping mechanism. When I was sad, angry, dysregulated, anxious, empty, or bored – Myzie was there.

The role that pets play in our lives is significant and often overlooked. The best part of virtual therapy is getting to see clients interact with their cats and dogs. They interrupt our sessions, they saunter past the screen flicking it with their tail. They hide their faces under pillows, they howl and perform desperate antics to get my clients’ attention. They are suspicious of me – I make their guardians cry sometimes! Sometimes, they show up on cue, curl up and  

I like to know the meanings that pets have for clients. A few times I have heard client remark they feel more attuned with their pet than with their partner. Others have been surprised and guilty that they felt more grief over the death of their dog than the death of their dad. Pets help us structure our day, and they give us a reason to get out of bed. It is such a unique and powerful attachment. If we are in session together, I will want to hear about your connection to your pet, and this offers me great insight into you. If you have lost your pet, You will not need to justify, explain or hide your grief. Pet bereavement is real and needs to be acknowledged. I will provide a space to explore what that loss means to you. The ways we lose our pets can be traumatic, sudden, planned

There are not enough words to describe Myzie’s personality. She has a legendary reputation and I love talking about her. I have never known a cat like her. I did not know that I could be so attuned to an animal. If I were to find one word, maybe it would be magical. And now I snuggle my magic bag in her stead, seeking some comfort in her absence. Even though the magic bag doesn’t swipe my nose at 5 am, I still wake up every morning in the pre-dawn light. I smile at Myzie’s memory and feel close to her.